Memory
by Elizabeth Tudor
Summary: Sirius, his first night after escaping Azkaban, stops for a moment and finds something he's lost. Songfic, oneshot


_**A/N: **_**I'm back. This time it's a fic about Sirius, and his first night out of Azkaban. The lyrics are from the musical Cats, though I changed them slightly to fit the piece. I know Sirius probably would get all his memories back immediately upon leaving Azkaban, but I'm banking on the fact that he's gotten so used to not having them, and he's been in too much of rush to escape to really regain all the memories he lost until this fic. Anyway, Read, please Review (I thrive on feedback), and Enjoy!  
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_Midnight,  
Not a sound from the pavement,_

Padfoot stopped in the desolate Quik-E-Mart parking lot and glanced around. No one was there. Not surprising, really, as it was the cold grey witching hour, just before dawn. He decided to risk transforming back into a human.

_Has the moon lost her memory?  
She is smiling alone._

In an instant, he was Sirius again. The cold blue moonlight beat down on him. It was nearly full, and the thought that Moony would have to bear yet another full moon on his own brought a new wave of despair crashing over him. All the while, la Belle Luna smiled serenely down. He wondered vaguely whether she knew what pain she had caused, and still caused.

_In the lamplight,  
The withered leaves collect at my feet.  
And the wind begins to moan._

He shivered. Azkaban had been far worse than this, so why did this simple strip of concrete and streetlamp make him so uncomfortable? Unbidden, a memory he'd forgotten he had rose in his mind. Four teenage boys, laughing and teasing each other outside a strip mall bleached of all color by the pale streetlight, a strip mall just like this one...

_Memory,  
All alone in the moonlight,  
I can smile at the old days,  
Life was beautiful then._

Tears poured unchecked down his face, battling with a broad smile. Happiness and sorrow fought inside him, and he gave vent to the emotions the only way he could; he transformed into the massive, wolf-like dog and howled his pain to the sky, turning human again with a small sob, crouched on the cold asphalt.

_I remember,  
The time I knew what happiness was.  
Let the memory live again._

The memories, bittersweet as the cold tang on an ocean wind, bittersweet as Moony's favorite chocolate, welled up in his mind, threatening to drown him. Sirius wrapped his ragged grey robes tighter around his skeletal body as all the memories Azkaban had stolen from him came pouring back, filling every corner of his mind.

_Every streetlamp  
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning.  
Someone mutters,  
And the streetlamp gutters,  
And soon it will be morning!_

The battered old concrete facade, bleached bone white by the street lamp and moonlight, suddenly seemed threatening. The sighing wind caused a loose chain to clank against the lamppost, beating a sinister tattoo, and a thin glow of lighter grey appeared along the rim of the world. He'd lingered here too long.

_Burnt out ends of smoky days,  
The stale cold smell of morning,  
The streetlamp dies, another night is over,  
Another day is dawning!_

The cold, metallic taste of a new day began to fill the air, and the line of lighter grey grew more pronounced. With a soft sight, Sirius turned back into a dog as the street lamp flickered and died. A thin band of red fire broke over the edge of the world, signaling his first full day as Sirius, and not as prisoner 246951; his first day of freedom.

_Daylight,  
I must wait for the sunrise,  
I must think of a new life,  
And I musn't give in._

Along with all the bittersweet memories that had been returned to him, Sirius recalled very clearly all the horrors he'd endured in Azkaban, no less terrible for their being over. With a shudder, he forced his mind away from them, and focused every particle of is mind on Harry. _I'll find him, I'll tell him I'm not a murderer, I'll take him away from the Dursleys. I'll find Moony, convince him of the truth. We'll be a family, it'll be a new life for all of us. _The shadows no longer overwhelmed him, but they still lurked in the corners of his mind, threatening to drown him in blackness. Again and again they surged forward, and again and again he beat them back, keeping his mind bent on his friend and his godson, telling himself over and over, _I'm innocent. I'm innocent._  
_  
When the dawn comes,  
Tonight will be a memory too,  
And a new day will begin!  
_  
With every step Padfoot took north, a new memory arose. Some he welcomed in, some he shoved away, and a few he tucked aside to be examined more closely later, when he could try and make sense of them. One of these was his newly-made memory of his first dawn as a free man. Someday he would take it out and puzzle over it. But for now, he had a rat to catch!


End file.
